You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
