why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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