Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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