i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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