That's intense
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
