I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i dont even know how to be here
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
