im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
