You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
