i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
