i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
