My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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