he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
