I faked an abortion last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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