i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
