how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
