My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
