No period for spring break; use this wisely.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Text me some of your sweat
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
