I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
