I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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