"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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