Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
