You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
