I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
