Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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