my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
