who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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