I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Rumble strips road head = magical
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
