if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
