Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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