I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
