guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
