who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
