btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
