i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
