But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
