I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Welp...herpes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
