your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
