I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Go christen that room with your naked body.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
