I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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