I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
