so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
