No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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