Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
