Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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