Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
