he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
