so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
