Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
