before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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