we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
