I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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