she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize