tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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