and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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