Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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