also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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