Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
