guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
