Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
