chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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