I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
