I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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