I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
