i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
