dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
