I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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