Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
