He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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