My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
