She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
