we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
