OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
