Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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