Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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