im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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