remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
