You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
