Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think your dad took our porno
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
