What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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