so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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