im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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