We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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