I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
